PolkOut.com just loves shitting!

One of our top five favorite activities.

Did you like the new comic?  Did you hate it?  Are you totally indifferent towards it?  Why not discuss that, and whole lot more random shit, over a the forums?

Alright fuckers, I'm announcing it: the first ever PolkOut fan art showcase.  I want you all to submit your epic fan art, either by posting it on the forums or just emailing it to me directly.  This isn't a competition, so there can't really be a winner, but I'm sure we'll definitely find a loser.  All entries, because I'm grounded enough to know there won't be that many, will be put up on the main page.  So use your imaginations and go crazy.

Friends, readers, whathaveyous, Wednesday I came closer to meeting Allison Scagliotti than I ever have before.  So the story goes Alex, of PolkOut cinema fame, works at Sausage Links as an intern and the company that's adjacent to them in that same building, Banana Fingers Inc. or something like that, was throwing a big end-of-summer party.  The entire building, plus whoever wanted to show up, was invited, so Alex let me tag along.  It turned out to be a grown up party too, everyone in attendance was twenty-five to thirty, so that made talking up the ladies a tad more difficult than at some ho hum college party.  But I had an ace up my sleeve, a sexy little ace who goes by the alias of Vodka Tonic.

So I see this girl sitting next to a guy who looks like Josh Peck circa the middle seasons of Drake and Josh, when he was still kind of chunky but not gigantic.  He looks kind of gay so I figure he's just some friend of hers or something, so as soon as he leaves I walk on up to her and ask her, "Holy shit, was that Josh Peck?!"  Blah blah conversation ensues.

Turns out she works for the company that does PR for Josh Peck, which I guess kind of explains why she kept insisting the Wackness was a good movie, so of course I asked her the obvious question:

"Do you know Allison Scagliotti?!  Can you get me her number?"

"...I have no idea who that is..."

"Josh knows her.  Can you ask Josh for me?"

"...uh... I guess I don't have anything to lose by doing that, sure."

So I give her some train receipt I had with my email scrawled on the back.  Unfortunately, this PR lady was kind of... mildly... very inebriated.  Long story short, she began shouting the word "pervert" at me repeatedly because of the following exchange:

"Do you guys also represent Miranda Cosgrove?"

"That little girl from School of Rock...?  Yeah."

"OOOOOHHHHH NEAT.  Is there a way I contact her too?  You know, send her fan mail and junk?"

"SHE'S TWELVE."

"...uh... she's fifteen."

"SHE'S FIFTEEN YOU FUCKING PERVERT."

"Maturity's not a number..."

"I KNOW THAT BUT YOU'RE FUCKING DISGUSTING!"

"I just--"

"NO, YOU'RE SICK!  YOU'RE A FUCKING PERVERT!"

And then I walked away, a slightly broken man.  I don't know if she ever did, or ever will, give that little note to Josh Peck, but maybe... just maybe... luck will smile upon me and I'll get that golden email from the angelic Allison... sorry, readers, I'm getting a little emotional here...

Anyways, this is my first update in my new dorm room.  It's been fun being social, making new friends, chatting up random girls.  Class starts Tuesday.  This semester has a lot of promise for not sucking.  I'm optimistic.

--End Transmission--

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