We're almost equally unpopular all across the globe.
Forum Update:The forum looks
awesome now! Big thanks to my friend Alex! Post in the new forum:
www.PolkOut.com/forum.
It's hosted on my server, and if that starts getting laggy in the
future I can just pay for more bandwidth. Any artistic contribution to the forum would be terrific. You
can still check out the
old forum,
and older pages will still link to it for now, so... uh... do
whatever with that intel.
Quick shit for newcomers: Forum
(deviant bullshit), Feedback
(fan art, comments, critiques), About (check it
out and contribute). Do you have a website of your own you
want me to give a shout out to? Want to do a crazy guest
strip? You can reach me through that email or on the forums.
Upcoming Fan Art Showcase: Whenever I get a substantial
amount of fan art (we've got a few submissions on the forum) I'll
dedicate a whole update to fan submissions. Go nuts, lets see
some creativity and experimentation with style. Guest comic
guidelines are in the forum.
During this hectic orientation week here in Prague, Nathan from
Good in Theory was kind enough to provide me with a guest
comic so I didn't have to do anything myself. I offered to let
him do a guest rant too, and he jumped on it. Here's his site:
That's what a webcomic looks like when you're
competent. That's all I'm going to say about that. Enjoy
his rant:
GIT Rant
Today I am here to roughly break you
out of your comfortable world . . . the normalcy that you have come
to expect shall be shattered. That's right, where you would once be
soothed by the desperate rantings of Polkster (often scribed in a
warm, drunken haze), you will find this page somewhat dominated
by another . . . who is quite sober, actually.
My greatest wish was for this guest comic to not suck, as I tried my
best to provide a comic that could be enjoyed by you, the masses.
I find that whenever I read a guest comic, it seems to have no other
purpose than to be a figurative sloppy kiss on the cartoonist's
ass. I want to express my appreciation for Polkster's work here,
but I will do my best to keep my lips away from his (quite possibly
hair-dominated) ass-skin.
I am a big fan of PolkOut, at least, that is what I tell myself. I
have a Polkout shirt which quickly has managed to become one of my
favorite clothing articles. There is something about loudly
declaring one's affinity for
toast. It's
drawn in a way so that to the casual eye, someone can not see the
image of a young man smearing toast all over his naked body. It's
the hidden sexual deviancy that I am able to get away with in public
that arouses me.
As I write this now, quite a few weeks in advance, I am assuming
that a quick scrawl will be made before this, explaining exactly
who the fuck I am. This is liberating to get to write a comic like
this, as this is far from the norm I usually go with. Oh sure, I say
"ass" and "damn," but these words are childish in the eyes of
PolkOut. Oh sure, I have inferred
sodomy with an animal,
but never before have I gotten the . . . *ahem* privilege to
actually draw the sinful act. It's because I don't believe in my
work in the way Polkster does. If he wants to draw a dog being
suffocated in his anus, he does it. If I want to draw a man fucking
a pig's asshole (or even write: a man fucking a pig's
asshole), I have to draw it for someone else. It's just a set of
moral values . . . a personal code. Polkster has created a grand
environment of anonymity (although, creepily enough, I do know
Polkster's real name, I'm just that big of a fan). He can
hide under his alias and draw pictures of Audrey Hepburn squirting
thick diarrhea into a toilet bowl, her dress hiked up and shit
coating everything. He can do that! He has that amazing power
because he never has to answer for his crimes!
I want PolkOut to succeed, with my want increasing to a level that
probably nears Polkster's. And trust me, it's not because I think
Polkster is a nice guy. I don't give a shit about Polkster's
well-being, just so long as he keeps making the comics. No, no, I
want him to succeed for my own selfish reasons. See, I dream of a
world where Polkout delivers its depraved message on at least a
tri-weekly basis. I want to have a book of his collected work to
hide under the floorboards so that company does not find it. Most of
all though? I want a poseable Polkster action figure. You know what
I'm talking about, right? The main character of PolkOut? Kind of
like a Gumby or something that I can stand proudly next to my
computer on my desk. The crazy little stick arms waving up into the
air. That would be, as the kids are saying these days, the shit.
(Oh, and when I said "I don't give a shit about Polkster's
well-being," that was a kid, meaning I was kidding. In reality I
have only have deep feelings of love for Polkster, this love is
nearly exclusively heterosexual. I hope that
Polkster is rewarded for his work someday, and assists in the
process of creating many, many fetuses).
As ridiculous as this sounds, PolkOut has a rare quality that I have
never found in a webcomic: never pissing me off. I only read a small
handful of webcomics, and they all continually do things to piss me
off. Maybe it's when they are doing some kind of fan service to the
idiot segment of their readership. Before I criticize the first one,
let me just say that I am a huge fan of Penny Arcade. Like, massive,
alright? I have a ton of signed Penny Arcade posters on my wall, I
own all of their books, a good majority of them signed as well. I
bought their games the moment they came out, I have spent a day at
their office, hell, I have even APPEARED in a Penny Arcade comic.
Even through that, Penny Arcade pisses me off. Like when there is
some obscure comic that is 75% an inside joke about a conversation
they had among themselves two years ago, that just makes me feel
robbed. PolkOut doesn't do that. I have yet to read a PolkOut comic
that annoys me. Even if that comic doesn't hit me in the right place
that week, I still find that I like it. Which is something I just
can't say about many other comics.
. . . oh, but there are the rants, which occasionally involve a
movie, or a game that I enjoy, where Polkster condescends them with
such violent vigor that it is almost as if he is raping my love for
these things. So, with that said, I guess there is something that
pisses me off about PolkOut. So, let's just ignore those past two
paragraphs, eh?
My attention span is really short, and I wrote the bulk of this
about three weeks ago, and promptly forgot it. So there, I tried to
write a rant and save you some effort Polkster. I did it all for
yoooooooouuuuuu. And so, to the audience: if you didn't like
my rant, or the comic: fuck you, Polkster will be back next week. Or
he won't.
I have no fucking idea.
/Guest Rant
Because when I think of something stupid I just can't resist...
That's right, readers, I am writing this all the way from the Czech
Republic, six sentimental time zone hours away from my New York
home. The puns are part of the healing process. The
booze as well.
The beer here is too delicious and too cheap not to be in me.
The same, for some odd reason, goes for the milk and yogurt... and
cheese. These people just do dairy right. I've probably
been drinking as much milk as I have been beer, since the shit
tastes like Cornflake runoff. You know what I mean, you eat a
bowl of Cornflakes and then drink the milk that's left... it's a
good time. It goes well with the bacon flavored potato chips
they sell here.
Sorry if I seem a little out of it... I am. I'm entirely out
of it. I just woke up from a four hour nap and my, well it may
very well be my kidney, is aching and I'm still a little jetlagged
since orientation week has had me getting up early every goddamn
morning for Czech classes.
Not any particularly crazy adventures to report, just a lot eating
and drinking on the cheap. I've located the local scanner, so
expect legit updates on my part--though guest comics are
enthusiastically accepted.
Anyway, this first week has been dominated by pretty touristy stuff
as well as the fun but unremarkable. We went bowling in the
Czech Republic's first mall (of which there are a ton now) in a
suburb of Prague, I ate at the only Burger King in this whole
country, took some tours, drank some hard hot chocolate on the
street, beer, beer, beer... nothing too crazy.
Hopefully I'll have more to rant about when I get my shit together.
Until then, I don't know... entertain yourselves with the archive.
--End Transmission--
PolkOut Sells Out
The following are ads I've put up on the site to help pay for my
advertising budget so I can make this site more popular. I did
not choose these ads, and have decided not to filter their content.
So if they go to more of this shit, well, all the better.
