PolkOut.com now comes in a variety of new flavors!

Plain, barbeque, ranch, bacon, and ROCK-YOUR-SOCKS-OFF-AWESOME.

Forum Update: The forum looks awesome now!  Big thanks to my friend Alex!  Post in the new forum: www.PolkOut.com/forum.  It's hosted on my server, and if that starts getting laggy in the future I can just pay for more bandwidth.  Any artistic contribution to the forum would be terrific.  You can still check out the old forum, and older pages will still link to it for now, so... uh... do whatever with that intel.

Quick shit for newcomers: Forum (deviant bullshit), Feedback (fan art, comments, critiques), About (check it out and contribute).  Do you have a website of your own you want me to give a shout out to?  Want to do a crazy guest strip?  You can reach me through that email or on the forums. 

Upcoming Fan Art Showcase: Whenever I get a substantial amount of fan art (we've got a few submissions on the forum) I'll dedicate a whole update to fan submissions.  Go nuts, lets see some creativity and experimentation with style.  Guest comic guidelines are in the forum.

I think I just may have a fetish for poor puns... mmm... (boner)

Yeah, that's right, I'm as intellectualy mature as a twelve year-old... balls.  Here in Prague people like their balls, they like the texture, the flavor--especially if they're chocolate balls--and they especially like the colorful packaging.  You walk down the aisle of any supermarket wise enough to stock balls and you'll see people climbing over each other just to grab some.  There's no better way to start your day than with balls in your mouth, or at least that's what I've heard. 

And that rhino is pretty bitchin':

That's right, I'm that guy.  The fellow who stops in the middle of a supermarket, whips out his camera like a tourist too stupid to conceive of such a thing as shame, and photographs some random food item whose name could be interpreted as a vague euphemism for a particularly hysterical part of the male anatomy.  And why not?  What's the use of photographing bridges and castles and big fucking monuments dedicated to people I've never heard of when magazines and encyclopedias are already saturated with that sort of material?  Everyone to either side of me is snapping photos and tossing them up on Facebook; I could just as easily save their pictures and peddle them to everyone back home as my own.

And that's why I'm here on the ground, cataloguing that which everyone merely smirks at but never embraces.  Balls.  It's tourism with personality, wading through the sticky swamp of a foreign society's popular culture.  The people of Prague are no more their castle than I am the Empire State Building or Central Park or some syphilitic hobo taking a dump behind a dumpster. 

I'm appealing to humanity here, if that makes any sense.  To common humanity; to that thread that binds us as people, that we come to understand by contemplating our differences and seeing how beautiful, yet ultimately insignificant they really are.  And I have to say, the people here are wonderful.  Brilliant.  Golden.  I don't say this because I've been enamored by the richness of their history or by the long legs of their women (though good job on that one too), but because their passion has created a need for one of the most marvelous innovations in food... well, ever:

The bacon flavored potato chip.  Fucking right.  I'm almost ashamed to call myself an American (almost) for not thinking of this shit first.  Why couldn't my lardass nation, bloated on Oreo milkshakes and Triple Whoppers, conceive of infusing the awesome essence of BACON into our snack foods?!  We've got burgers with bacon by the barrel full, we put shredded bits of it on our salads, fuck, there's even dog food flavored like the stuff... why haven't we made this seemingly intuitive leap?!

Eating bacon flavored chips is like... well, if my mouth had balls (cocoa or otherwise), it's like they're being tickled.  In the good way... the consensual way.  Bacon chips aren't some creepy uncle who likes it when you sit on his lap and doesn't quite comprehend your boundary issues... they're more like a whore who makes really flattering comments about your nuts as she touches them, like, "Oh, wow, these sure are big!  Some of the heaviest I've ever handled... I bet jizz explodes out your dick like water out a fire hose..."  And not a dirty whore either.  A clean one, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman... or Emma Roberts in Hotel for Dogs...

There is an unfortunate downside though... bacon chips, cheap food (big bacon covered burgers, half racks of ribs, hearty platefuls of ambiguous meaty Czech gloop, all for five or six bucks (USD)), and half a liter of damn decent beer for a dollar fifty... looks like I may be coming home with a few more chins.

Though on the other hand Prague is a walking city... and the milk makes me shit hurricanes, so maybe that'll balance out the chin thing.

--End Transmission--

PolkOut Sells Out

The following are ads I've put up on the site to help pay for my advertising budget so I can make this site more popular.  I did not choose these ads, and have decided not to filter their content.  So if they go to poor pun collections, well, all the better.