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PolkOut.com is delicious as fuck! And... uh... that other thing.
Forum Update: The forum looks awesome now! Big thanks to my friend Alex! Post in the new forum: www.PolkOut.com/forum. It's hosted on my server, and if that starts getting laggy in the future I can just pay for more bandwidth. Any artistic contribution to the forum would be terrific. You can still check out the old forum, and older pages will still link to it for now, so... uh... do whatever with that intel. Quick shit for newcomers: Forum (deviant bullshit), Feedback (fan art, comments, critiques), About (check it out and contribute). Do you have a website of your own you want me to give a shout out to? Want to do a crazy guest strip? You can reach me through that email or on the forums. Upcoming Fan Art Showcase: Whenever I get a substantial amount of fan art (we've got a few submissions on the forum) I'll dedicate a whole update to fan submissions. Go nuts, lets see some creativity and experimentation with style. Guest comic guidelines are in the forum.
I decided to update a little bit later this week since last week's update came late and, you know... I'm kind of spacing this shit out I guess. And I'm lazy as fuck. I have a ten page midterm paper due in two weeks (along with two other papers and a presentation) which I was going to get out of the way... I woke up this morning at 10:30, bright eyed and full of academic vigor, only to waste six hours watching Japanese cartoons on my laptop and ctrl-Fing my favorite news aggregators and... uh... image boards. Yeah, I'm a little ashamed of myself. I also promised my boss down at the magazine I work at that I'd write an article and have it finished by Monday... ffffffffffffff...
...*facepalm*. Dammit. It's almost 1:30 am, I've just woken up from a one hour "nap" I took because I was feeling totally out of it. That's... that's what I did instead of work. I slept. Fffffffuuuuuuck. Anyway, that up there is a picture of my work station--not Picard, that other one--in case anyone was curious where all the fucking magic happened. That's it, right there, that's where imagination meets masturbation and webcomics get smeared right on the internet. Ever seen The Squid and the Whale? Great fucking movie. Well I'm like that younger kid who jerks off in the library and smears his spunk on the hallway lockers. Only the internet is my hallway and Photoshop is my library. What the fuck am I talking about? I don't know... I'm still dwelling on that goddamn paper in the back of my mind, a little hyper off too much caffeine-eine-eine-eine. I wish I had iCarly to watch... Nick.com won't load videos for me because I'm not in the United States... Veoh doesn't work either and I can't find any decent torrents of the show... I'm jonesin', man! I need my fix... Oh, and I normally don't advocate the use of torrents or anything of the sort since that's stealing and I don't want to be sued but in this situation I feel it's okay because I'm not their target demographic. You know, college-aged twenty-somethings in the Czech Republic, drunk off Fernet Stock and cola, are not who Nickelodeon's gearing their shows to. At least, I don't think so, based on all the Barbie Doll dream houses and Girl Tech butt plugs they advertise during the commercial breaks. So it's not stealing, it's more like skimming off the top. Like hanging outside a gas station and getting high off the fumes. It's the same sort of legal distinction that makes it okay to have pictures of naked kids on your computer as long as you own a beret and a turtleneck--it's not porn if you're an arteest. You can even jerk off to it if you video tape the act and give it some pretentious thumb-up-the-asshole title like This is Capitalism or The American Dream: Redux. I'm not sure why my visualization of a pretentious artist is some 1950's beatnik cliché... *snap snap snap*
I saw this statue when I was in Amsterdam but forgot to write about it. I photographed it because, at the time... given my condition... it looked like the lion was pooping this big wild strand that contorted and flipped up its back (imagine silly string flying out the can or a fire hose that no one's holding onto) but he was really really happy to just get it out of him because I guess he's been constipated for quite a while. "Fffffuuuuuccckk YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH" is the expression I see on his face. If I could meet the artist, I'd shake his hand... and then uncomfortably wipe mine on my jeans. Anyway, I bought some of this shit the other day and ate it:
Salami poofs! SALAMI FLAVORED CORN SNACKS. If that doesn't blow your fucking mind you're too damn jaded. You know that greasy residue you feel on your fingers when you handle salami? The kind that makes your fingers smell like pig guts? Sticking your hand into a big bag of this shit replicates that feeling almost exactly! It's the most mediocre virtual salami eating experience ever! And while we're on the topic of meat-flavored snack foods...
STEAK FLAVORED POTATO CHIPS. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK YEAH. Yes they are delicious. After finishing the bag I wrapped it around my face just so I could breathe the steak fumes for a while; when I came to I was totally fucking high on steak. Next time I buy a bag I'm going to crush the shit up and snnnnoooooorrrrrt it.
I wasn't going to write about this but when I was inserting that steak picture my mouse spazzed and just tossed this picture up. It's a painting that I have up on my wall that was here when I moved in. It's really shitty and annoying to look at, but upon closer inspection...
Woah! Fuck my face with a bratwurst, is that an Amish woman riding a spider?! It kind of looks like a jack-o-lantern in blackface that decided to steal Sonny Bono's haircut. I think whoever painted this crazy thing was tripping balls harder than... uh... this guy...
Ball tripper, better you than me. Ball tripper, fuck tanuki brutality. On a totally unrelated note... NERD RANT: Spoilerific Watchmen Review So I saw the Watchmen movie on Thursday evening, when it came out here in Prague. I don't know why it came out on a Thursday but it did and I paid six bucks to see it. I didn't like the fact that Matthew Goode sounded like he was wearing the world's largest retainer and Malin Akerman just seemed bored. For better or for worse, it was quite possibly the most violent film I've seen since Passion of the Christ, and it has one of the longest, most awkward sex scenes ever. I actually checked my watch at one point because it just kept on going. Other than that, the film was an excellent manifestation of the comic on screen. By that standard, it was a great movie. But as a film in its own right, beyond the context of the comic, it felt weak. For someone not familiar with the original graphic novel, for someone looking for a complete, insular text, I could see why this movie might seem mediocre, if not bad. But that's not Snyder's fault, nor is it Hayter's or Tse's; all three of these individuals were entirely dedicated to making a faithful rendition of what I'd consider to be a fundamentally weak narrative. Watchmen may be a unique, novel story with a lot of great characters and ideas, but the way its assembled is somewhat piss poor--that's right, I'm looking at you, Alan Moore, you pretentious, bearded curmudgeon. Here is how I would've written the Watchmen movie, hell, here's how I would've written the graphic novel too:
Key points and criticisms: With that in mind, I'd center the film around Rorschach. I'd keep the first twenty minutes or so intact--the first issue of the comic--and keep that noir tone and pacing. Make it something like The Maltese Falcon, but grittier and set on that superhero backdrop. Following one protagonist around the entire time, exploring his background and his relationship to these other characters, spares us the need to spend hours on everyone's back-story. These details only matter in their relation to the overall story and we only need to know as much as Rorschach knows. It would give the ending greater emotional stakes as well if we've just been tied to his back the entire time. You can still have all those flashbacks and visual anecdotes as Rorschach interrogates the various people that get him farther through the case, but you can use far more discretion with what you reveal. Furthermore, there's a greater tension imposed upon us, the audience, as nothing that is revealed can certifiably be considered the truth, as all details are fed to us through characters. Yeah, I know, this is heresy right here, implying I could've done a better job than Moore, but think about the sort of story I described. Picture it as a movie, as a graphic novel, and really think it through. Wouldn't it, admittedly, be a lot less spastic than what we actually got? Wouldn't it be tighter, more interesting, more intense? I certainly think so. At least they got rid of that stupid fucking squid; I don't know what sort of baboon shit-tainted hashish he was smoking when that seemed like a good idea. So, in short, the movie was a wonderful rendition of an extremely flawed graphic novel. If you liked the comic, you'll like the movie. Though I feel like it was, in many ways, an extended trailer for what I expect to be a far more awesome director's cut.
Radioactive azure cock for teh win. --End Transmission-- PolkOut Sells Out The following are ads I've put up on the site to help pay for my advertising budget so I can make this site more popular. I did not choose these ads, and have decided not to filter their content. So if they go to procrastinatathons, well, all the better.
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