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PolkOut.com wants your contributions! Bring on the guest comics. Also... we made a baby.
Forum Update: The forum looks awesome now! Big thanks to my friend Alex! Post in the new forum: www.PolkOut.com/forum. It's hosted on my server, and if that starts getting laggy in the future I can just pay for more bandwidth. Any artistic contribution to the forum would be terrific. You can still check out the old forum, and older pages will still link to it for now, so... uh... do whatever with that intel. Quick shit for newcomers: Forum (deviant bullshit), Feedback (fan art, comments, critiques), About (check it out and contribute). Do you have a website of your own you want me to give a shout out to? Want to do a crazy guest strip? You can reach me through that email or on the forums. Upcoming Fan Art Showcase: Whenever I get a substantial amount of fan art (we've got a few submissions on the forum) I'll dedicate a whole update to fan submissions. Go nuts, lets see some creativity and experimentation with style. Guest comic guidelines are in the forum. Submit Guest Comics: Next Wednesday I'll be taking off for Paris and Barcelona, I won't be back for ten days, during which time I won't be able to access my server, meaning I won't be able to update. I'll toss on an extra update, or at least try to, on Tuesday night (aka Tuesday afternoon EST), but I'd appreciate guest comic submissions that I could put up on OUR BABY SITE during that time. I'll try to check my email regularly and post on the forums, via internet cafes, and since Polk Junior is operated by forum user Stickfodder, it can be updated without me. So submit your comics and, if you like, accompanying rants along either of those two channels. They'll be put up on the other site and then, when I get back, I'll put them up on the main page. And the more of you who submit, the more updates we can see. In other site related news: So I was doing my routine daily search of dog penises on Google
(you know what they say about old habits... except this time it was
for fact-checking, not jerkin' it... well okay, maybe I jerked it a
little...) when I stumbled across these gems: In an effort to better myself, I've also been trying to learn some new skills and shed some bad habits. However, to my dismay, I've found that there are certain things WikiHow just can't teach me. Sorry for overwhelming you guys with links. I had an internet adventure today! So I was loungin' in the computer lab between classes and, for whatever reason, I Googled my own site. I came across these statistics. They're more or less accurate (unfortunately page views have been down since I've cut back on advertising (in my defense, that money now goes to booze)) though I certainly don't make anywhere near $3.61 in advertising a day. I probably make that much in a month, thanks to the lack of ads and general lack of popularity of this whole damn project. But then I got curious, how much are the people sitting up there where I want to be making? By whatever random calculation, PolkOut is worth $2635, according to this site. Whether that's true or not doesn't matter as long as the algorithm for calculating it is consistent between sites. It can still let me know, relative to my own site, how much other sites are making and how much they're "worth". Obvious first search: CtrlAltDelete-Online.com VGCats.com QuestionableContent.net And, of course, the reigning king of webcomics: I'm kind of surprised to see that CtrlAltDelete is, according to this site, worth more than Penny-Arcade, but I suppose the PA guys have a much more diverse set of investments reeling in all their hard cash. Nonetheless, if Tim Buckley makes, solely from advertising, even $100 a day, that's more than $36 thousand a year. Please, don't mind the sobbing... I'll get over it... some day... Interesting aside: $36 grand is, I believe, more than doctors make in the Czech Republic. I was talking to this one Czech student who's finishing medical school and I asked him how much doctors make: "They make about the average national salary." "Even for private practices?" "Well, they make a little more, but doctors don't get paid very much here in general. It's better in Germany and Austria. But I hear doctors make a lot in the states, right?" "Yeah, they do." "Like three thousand a month?" "...uh... a bit more..." Seven years of education, rigorous examinations, three to five years of residency, all to make less money than a webcomic artist. Not to imply that they're doing it all for the money, but in an incentive-driven economy you'd think... well... never mind. I guess some people have all the luck.
That's my roommate's bulletin board. It proudly displays three images of Charlie Manson. The one all the way on the right features Charlie's face composed partially of dick head, partially of psychedelic mushroom. And that, down in the corner, is Michelangelo, of Ninja Turtles fame, only monetized. I didn't know what image to use for this week's Blague, so I just looked around the room. Sorry if today's update is a tad banal (more so than usual) but, once again, I'm pretty much resigned to writing papers and procrastinating this weekend. I finished that ten pager from last week. My process went something like: Work... errrr... forums... internet internet internet... wwwwwoooorrkkk... internet... porn... wor--porn... I'm proud to say that it only took me a few days to complete that beast. That may sound like a long time but, in my defense, it was a pretty boring paper. Besides, I think my work efficiency still managed to hover above that of the average DMV employee and those guys get paid. So I consider it a relative success. I've still got a 25 minute PowerPoint presentation to compose about the history of Hungary between the two world wars. If any of you readers want to toss me some helpful (i.e. time saving) resources, I'd be grateful. Well, enough of that boring shit! I saw this can at the local grocery store and I figured I'd give it a try:
An energy drink for, more or less, 75 cents USD is a damn good deal, whether it's flavored like weed or not. Cool Hemp actually tastes pretty good, leagues above other energy drinks I've come across here--namely that diarrhea swill, Big Shock (not as energizing its namesake), which seems to be the top dog around here. I've... uh... never consumed marijuana... but... I can say this stuff doesn't taste a bit like it... er, how I imagine it to taste... but minus that whole lack of novelty, it's not bad.
Chicken flavored potato chips! Alright, lets think back... I've tried bacon flavored chips, ham flavored chips, prosciutto flavored chips, steak flavored chips, and now chicken. Is that every commonly consumed animal save for fish or lamb? Sounds about right... I did try kebab flavored chips, but they seemed to be more about the seasoning than the actual meat. I've got to say... steak comes out on top. These chicken chips taste like normal, yet extremely decent, potato chips, lightly seasoned with that powder that you mix with water to make instant chicken broth. It's good, but too subtle. That image on the bag's pretty weird in context. I like the Good Soldier Švejk art style, but I don't understand what the fuck they're doing. Is that dude going to use that paddle to spank the chicken flavor out of those fucking birds? I don't even know what his lady friend is up to with that pillow sack... I start thinking about it but all I see in my head are chickens tortured Abu Ghraib style. Some sick fucking shit.
Some insight into my daily diet. Those are all jars of applesauce, most of them are empty save for the three up front. Not pictured: the kilogram or so of yogurt I eat every day, the occasional store-bought sandwich package, and the many empty one liter containers of 1.5% milk. I eat a fuck ton of dairy. And, thinking about it now, I guess my diet is mostly liquid... though you'dve never have guessed judging by my doodies. If my five minutes of internet research means what I think it does, by the time I get back to the states I'm going to be fucking ripped. Crunches can suck my ass, I've got the awesome power of dairy on my side
I stared at this instant coffee for a good three or four minutes before I decided to photograph it... you know, for posterity. It may not taste as good as the legit shit, but instant coffee never fails in producing some pretty badass psychedelic imagery right in the palm of my hand. Look at that picture and imagine it swirling and being all weird and stuff... better yet, huff some paint and you won't have to imagine shit. Now try and fathom that same experience without the loads of brain damage. Anyway... I've been kind of anxious lately because making travel plans always does that to me. Ten days of relative uncertainty... three instances of being 40,000 feet up in the sky... ten nights sleeping in rooms full of strangers... I get a little bit crazy thinking about. If any of you readers out there are going to be in either of those two cities, or hell, if you find yourself in Prague sometime in the near future (and you're not a creepy motherfucker) let me know. We can grab a beer and talk about our feelings.
I'll leave you guys with an email exchange I had with my boss at the
magazine I work at, just to give you a taste of my work environment:
From: Polkster
From: Boss Man
From: Polkster
From: Boss Man
From: Polkster
From: Boss Man
From: Polkster
From: Boss Man
From: Polkster
From: Boss Man
From: Polkster
From: Boss Man
From: Polkster
From: Boss Man
From: Polkster --End Transmission-- PolkOut Sells Out The following are ads I've put up on the site to help pay for my advertising budget so I can make this site more popular. I did not choose these ads, and have decided not to filter their content. So if they go to illustrious sources of passive income, well, all the better.
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