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PolkOut.com wants your guest comics! We're not going to be able to update for a week and a half, so submit! Or, alternatively, submit!
Forum Update: The forum looks awesome now! Big thanks to my friend Alex! Post in the new forum: www.PolkOut.com/forum. It's hosted on my server, and if that starts getting laggy in the future I can just pay for more bandwidth. Any artistic contribution to the forum would be terrific. You can still check out the old forum, and older pages will still link to it for now, so... uh... do whatever with that intel. Quick shit for newcomers: Forum (deviant bullshit), Feedback (fan art, comments, critiques), About (check it out and contribute). Do you have a website of your own you want me to give a shout out to? Want to do a crazy guest strip? You can reach me through that email or on the forums. Upcoming Fan Art Showcase: Whenever I get a substantial amount of fan art (we've got a few submissions on the forum) I'll dedicate a whole update to fan submissions. Go nuts, lets see some creativity and experimentation with style. Guest comic guidelines are in the forum. Submit Guest Comics: Next Wednesday I'll be taking off for Paris and Barcelona, I won't be back for ten days, during which time I won't be able to access my server, meaning I won't be able to update. I'll toss on an extra update, or at least try to, on Tuesday night (aka Tuesday afternoon EST), but I'd appreciate guest comic submissions that I could put up on OUR BABY SITE during that time. I'll try to check my email regularly and post on the forums, via internet cafes, and since Polk Junior is operated by forum user Stickfodder, it can be updated without me. So submit your comics and, if you like, accompanying rants along either of those two channels. They'll be put up on the other site and then, when I get back, I'll put them up on the main page. And the more of you who submit, the more updates we can see. Has your mother complained of a burning sensation in her no-no zone? Have you had some unusual urges lately? That's what PolkOut is all about. So it seems some of you are under the impression that I've got something against Asians. That I think they're an easy group to make fun of for whatever reason. Well that's just plain not true. I love Asians. I'd hang out with Asians every day if I could. I'd eat Asian food for every meal. Hell, I'm even willing to be Asia--well... actually... I don't know about that last one but, nevertheless, Asians are a-okay by me! The site's full of jokes about Asians for one reason and one reason only: I grew up with them. Most of my friends in high school were Asian--well not my inner circle per se, those elite spots were reserved for the honkiest honkeys this side of honkey town--I can remember many a day and night gathered around a Nintendo GameCube at a Korean friend's house, surrounded by White Castle burgers, discount supermarket brand soda, and every kind of Asian under the sun. It was like a rainbow of Asians... only, I guess unlike a real rainbow it was all yellow... (roll on snare drum). So when you're in that kind of environment, the racist jokes go
back and forth. Just the other day I congratulated my Chinese
friend on his birthday with the following message: But that sort of attitude, well, it takes months or even years
to build. You can't take it for granted... like, for instance,
just the other day I was showing this Chinese classmate of mine some
paper currency I had in my wallet from my trip to China a year ago: The awkwardest of awkward silences ensued. Those classmates who weren't shocked silent could only reply, "Wow..." So you see, it's merely a comfort issue. I don't make fun of... I don't know... Native Americans because I don't know any. So there you go. If your ethnic group, income bracket, or sexual orientation has been the target of some cheap shot on this site, consider yourself accepted.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkk... leaving tomorrow, 5:30 pm, no updates for ten days--baby site, baby site, baby site... uh... am I packed? Shit, shit, shit, what do I need? Uhhh... laundry! Darks, lights, whatever... need clean underwear... Alright, stop. Polkster, don't panic, take it slow. One thing at a time. Eat some yogurt.
Alright, done. Now what?! Apple sauce! Down that shit like a motherfucker! It's happiness in semi-solid form, man, it'll calm your nerves like a turkey baster full of heroin shoved RIGHT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS.
Alright... I downed that harder than a hungry whore at an all-you-can-eat cock buffet... Wait... what? I ate it quick and dirty... like a prostitute... performing fellatio... at a buffet style restaurant... that exclusively serves penises... You're not making any fucking sense, Polkster! Down some coffee!
WHAT THE FUCK IS IT DOING?! It looks like some ungodly primordial pool... or a septic portal to some demon realm where... goblins... made of doodies crawl out from the doodie walls... to... smear doodies on everything... kind of like when you're at the supermarket and you grab a jar or a box of something random, like powdered soup, put it down, and realize your hand is sticky. Like there was some sticky motherfucker walking around, touching everything, just to inconvenience everybody... DAMMIT, MAN! Don't stare directly at it! It'll fry your fucking brain!
...it's full of stars... No, Polkster! No! Focus! Listen, you've got to pack, you're heading out tomorrow, ten days, you need to be prepared! B-b-but who'll update the site?! The internet needs me! You fool, no one reads this shit! Socratic-analogue-of-self, you lie! I have plenty of fans! I can't let them down! Really, Polkster? Really? ...fair enough. You're right, the guest comics will fill the ten day PolkOut void. I hope. The two personalities refuse, ala Piccolo when he was training in preparation for Nappa and Vegeta's arrival to Earth in the Saiyan Saga. Didn't do him any good either. Alright, I've got my shit together... focus, focus, focus... ten days on the road can be pretty nerve-wracking, but hopefully I'll come back with some bitchin' pictures and a meaty Prague Blague entry. So rock the forums, check the baby site, and spread the good word! And if any of you need some inspiration for your guest comics...
--End Transmission-- PolkOut Sells Out The following are ads I've put up on the site to help pay for my advertising budget so I can make this site more popular. I did not choose these ads, and have decided not to filter their content. So if they go to crazy travel adventures, well, all the better.
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