!PolkOut.com is si moc.tuOlkoP!

Well the mirror works, let's start the up-skirtin'.

Forum Update: The forum looks awesome now!  Big thanks to my friend Alex!  Post in the new forum: www.PolkOut.com/forum.  It's hosted on my server, and if that starts getting laggy in the future I can just pay for more bandwidth.  Any artistic contribution to the forum would be terrific.  You can still check out the old forum, and older pages will still link to it for now, so... uh... do whatever with that intel.

Quick shit for newcomers: Forum (deviant bullshit), Feedback (fan art, comments, critiques), About (check it out and contribute).  Do you have a website of your own you want me to give a shout out to?  Want to do a crazy guest strip?  You can reach me through that email or on the forums. 

Upcoming Fan Art Showcase: Whenever I get a substantial amount of fan art (we've got a few submissions on the forum) I'll dedicate a whole update to fan submissions.  Go nuts, lets see some creativity and experimentation with style.  Guest comic guidelines are in the forum.

Archive Alternative: PolkOut Redux, updated Monday through Friday with old strips in the same chronological order as in which they appeared on this site.  It's on DrunkDuck so you can rate the comics and comment directly underneath them:

So apparently, PolkOut.com's among the top five resources for teen idol pubescence status.  I think it's because we here at PolkOut are willing to go that extra mile, like tying mirrors to our sneakers and rummaging through celebrity trash for used tampons and pregnancy tests.

I went to the zoo last week, it was kinda neat.  I saw a kangaroo and it hop hop hopped around, stopped, looked around, and I SHIT YOU NOT, IT'S BABY PEAKED OUT FROM THE POUCH AND LOOKED AROUND.  FUCK YEAH.  Every time I've ever gone to the zoo to look at kangaroos, those motherfuckers are always sleeping or playing with their dicks, never doing kangaroo-type things, but this time it did!  It did!

"How cliché." squawked my neighbor who'd come with me.  I punched him square in his jaded gut and uppercut his testicles into his nipples for disrespecting the baby kangaroo.

The zoo had hot chocolate vending machines which were awesome.  I tried hot white chocolate and it was mighty tasty.  It also felt pretty awesome to be able to buy a beer and watch the monkeys dick around on a ropey jungle gym thing while sipping away in the bright sunshine.  Monkeys are fucking great.

That's a monkey suckin' another monkey's tit!  Not only do they kind of look like us, use tools like us, and have shit-tossing battles in the tradition of Roman gladiators, they have the same hobbies as we do!  That monkey is a-okay in my book, hell I'd buy him a beer if he could verify he was of proper monkey drinking age.

On the other side of the coin, you know what animals totally suck?  Turtles, or tortoises, whatever, the ones with the flat stompy feet.  We walked into this dark room with a habitat of these fuckers in them, most of them laying in the corner, looking like sleeping Blastoises, save for this one couple...

These fuckers walk around like shitty Japanese robots.  Ever seen the ASIMO demos where that little robot just awkwardly jerks from foot to foot, walking... uh... robotically?  Well this one turtle mounted the other from the side, at right angle from the bottom one's vag (or anus, I'm not here to impose society's heteronormative standards on turtles), and then spent a solid fifteen minutes negotiating into proper boning orientation.  Yes, I stood there and watched him spasm into place.  But a turtle's vagina (or anus) is under its shell and the bottom turtle was all the way down to the ground, leaving no room for eager turtle cock to negotiate its way in there.  So instead top turtle just kinda kept stomping on bottom turtle's shell with its turtle-paws... for another fifteen minutes.  It was so goddamn frustrating, I wanted to break into that goddamn vivarium and show that dumb son of a bitch how it's done.

Also their heads look like grimy hobo cocks.

I did not see any pelicans do this, but what the fuck is this supposed to be?  There's an illustration in the bottom corner but it was entirely in Czech.  If any of you readers can enlighten me, please do.

The zoo can be a pretty depressing place.  When my dog was on his way out, you know, on the fringes of the great mortal coil, all he would do is lay around and occasionally wander around aimlessly and poop.  The polar bears kept pacing back and forth in the same spot, these rodent things would just spasm around in circles; it seemed like that identical combination of hopelessness and boredom. 

Anyway, that was last week.  This update's late because this weekend, Friday and half of today, I was on a trip to meet and hang out in a small town with Czech students from a prestigious high school.  It was pretty fucking sweet but I'll save that material for the next Prague Blague.

Did I mention I've got bronchitis?  Yeah... not a fun time, though it's a reasonably decent excuse to sit around, drink OJ, and watch movies.  I couldn't get a hold of a lot of the newer stuff I've been curious about, but I did get to see Synecdoche, New York.

I'll just preface by saying that I loved Adaptation, a terrific movie and one of the last Nicholas Cage films that wasn't sloppy diarrhea on celluloid.  And I saw a lot of what made Adaptation great in Synecdoche; the multilayered meta-narrative, the dream logic, the erratic humanity.  In fact, I loved the first hour of Synecdoche, maybe even the first hour and a half (the film runs almost an even two), but, ultimately, despite those elements pushed to an entirely new extreme, the end made me feel like I just watched a long, drawn out, pity party for the protagonist.  The resolution, if you can call it that, was a big, heavy, nihilistic sigh that didn't justify the two hour trek to get there. 

Charlie Kaufman, convinced that I'm an idiot, takes a shit on the film's ending with a fucking monologue that summarizes the goddamn theme of the whole thing.  There is a very obvious turning point to the story; even before that monologue, Kaufman clearly realized he had no idea where he was going with the story, so he flooded it with more convolution, hoping to mask the emptiness of the endeavor.  It's like a push-up bra, once you get that thing off you realize the contents aren't nearly as big as you'd thought.

It's an alright movie, hell it's three quarters of an awesome movie.

If anyone out there has any movie recommendations for me, send them my way.  And hey, give the forums a try.

--End Transmission--

PolkOut Sells Out

The following are ads I've put up on the site to help pay for my advertising budget so I can make this site more popular.  I did not choose these ads, and have decided not to filter their content.  So if they lead you to toitle poin, well, all the better.