PolkOut.com is disappointed in its fans!

We got absolutely no suckling pig submissions... it's not too late, you know.

Page Update:  See that right below?  That's a donate button.  I know I said I'd never ask you readers for any money, but I've been thinking that if I really want people to read this stuff, I've got to advertise, and I've got to advertise up there in the big leagues.  There are webcomics that get upwards of 800,000 hits per day, but they charge $40 or more per day per ad.  Now StumbleUpon chargles $0.10 per impression, that's 400 impressions per $40; if 0.1% of one of those other comics' readership clicks my link, that's 800 impressions.  So it's already more cost effective.  It becomes even more cost effective the more attractive my ads become, so I was also wondering if there was anyone out there who could help me make some awesome ads.  To be honest, I feel like a piece of shit asking for donations when you could be giving your money to hungry orphans or organizations that plant trees in urban wastelands, so don't donate anything unless you're really hemorrhaging cash out of every hole.

Forum Update: The forum looks awesome now!  Big thanks to my friend Alex!  Post in the new forum: www.PolkOut.com/forum.  It's hosted on my server, and if that starts getting laggy in the future I can just pay for more bandwidth.  Any artistic contribution to the forum would be terrific.  You can still check out the old forum, and older pages will still link to it for now, so... uh... do whatever with that intel.

Quick shit for newcomers: Forum (deviant bullshit), Feedback (fan art, comments, critiques), About (check it out and contribute).  Do you have a website of your own you want me to give a shout out to?  Want to do a crazy guest strip?  You can reach me through that email or on the forums. 

We got some more fan art this week... though I'm a little disappointed...

Forum user Kiriel made this lovely image of me being molested by a squid-lady.  I like the fact that even her tongue's a tentacle... can't have too many of those.  And you know, as horrifying as it would be to be felt up by this undoubtedly slimy beast, at least it's got boobs.

Stickfodder, a fellow comic artist and the man behind the DrunkDuck page, was so inspired by this motif that he decided to up the ante.  MS Paint was not good enough for this professional, no, he demanded higher resolutions, vibrant colors, and bigger tits.

Wow, that's some mighty awesome stuff right there... so, why am I disappointed?  Because these artists, as creative as they are have forsaken perhaps one of the most fundamental elements of tentacle molestation... why am I not wearing a Japanese schoolgirl outfit?!  What heresy is this?!

So I was back at the dentist this week to get that crown I had fitted a week back stuck into my face.  But... that didn't really work out because it didn't actually fit too well so I have to go back again in two weeks.  That's not really the point though, because that's not an entertaining story in the least.  What was interesting is this story I heard about me as a kid from my mom, who hovers over me as the dentist fists my face, making small talk with that butcher.

Apparently, when I was in elementary school, the principal had to call my house because I'd convinced my classmates that one of our fellow students had AIDS.  He'd broken his nose, or had nosebleed or something, and I started freaking the fuck out, yelling, "STAY AWAY FROM HIM YOU CAN'T TOUCH BLEEDING PEOPLE WITHOUT PROPER EQUIPMENT OR ELSE YOU COULD GET AAAIIIIIIDDDDDSSS!!!"  So all these kids went home, repeated my wise words to their parents, who then complained.  When my mom got this call she said to the principal, "Well you know... his wasn't wrong per se..."

Now that's a pretty damn cool thing for mom to say.  I've actually gotten a lot of positive comments about my mom from readers out there, especially after I posted that email exchange we had about me fucking animals a few months back.  But I remember we had one exchange, in person, that was a complete what the fuck moment.

So I was walking through the hospital where she works, past a spiral staircase, and says to me, "A guy killed himself here last week.  Jumped off the top."

I look at her, perplexed, "Why... why are you smiling?"

"He was crazy!" she laughed.

Yeah that's a real headscratcher.  I think there was some language barrier stuff going down right there.

--End Transmission--

PolkOut Sells Out

The following are ads I've put up on the site to help pay for my advertising budget so I can make this site more popular.  I did not choose these ads, and have decided not to filter their content.  So if they lead you to broken people doing broken things, well, all the better.